2005-06-20 - 10:14 p.m.
Well, I made it through another weekend for the summer... there has been so much drama in my life, I don't even know where to begin...
Ok - First and foremost, I am very sure I am in love with JS. He and I went out on Friday night... hit up Angie's for dinner, DQ for dessert, and then spent around 3 hours talking. He took me up to a look out point, and we sat in the Durango and talked about life - indepth converstaions into our fears, regrets, and where we want to end up in life. I learned so much about him in 3 hours that I never knew before... I can tell you that my perception of him has changed over almost 4 years, but my feelings for him have not. I can see myself with him for a long time... I wonder if he is my soul mate...
Of course, I had every opportunity to tell him how I feel (FINALLY), and I missed them all because of my fear of vulnerability and fear of exposing my emotions. I promised myself, Joe, and Joel that JS will know my true feelings by the end of summer.
When we said goodnight, I got the feeling he and I both wanted the goodnight kiss... but neither of us stepped up to initiate it. Ever since Friday night I have regretted my actions, and wondered what could have happend IF I had balls...
OK - Now the MORE dramatic part of my life - Finding a house. We have found so many awesome places to live this coming school year, and every place ends up sold, rented out, or "needs fixin". We have been screwed out of almost 5 houses... but I believe we are settling with a nice duplex. The guy is lowering the rent from $475/month + utilities, and giving us 3 parking spots behind the house. Its a really nice place, too, but my only qualm is its location. We're about 5 miles from campus... so that means I'll be driving every day. Not that I didn't when I lived closer, but still. Oh well, its a nice place, great landlord, and its fairly priced.
Now its time for a J-O-B.
Fathers Day was good... family reunion in Missouri Valley. Saw some cousins and family I havne't seen in around 10 years. Its crazy, but I love seeing them again. I was sortof the center of attention because everyone thought I was still in Chile. And my pictures were passed around like the plague in olden days.
Hmm... I am having some problems staying awake... I think I fell asleep for a few minutes at least twice already.
That leaves me with the impression that I should stop writing and hit the hay...
Goodnight, Moon!
